|Here I am:
That isn’t an excellent Afro. It’s my head in the fog. I’ve always been in the fog. Clarity, purpose and decision making are always somewhere out there. But not in here.
My blog is for other foggy headed people.
I write about faith, doubt, stumbling along the journey with God, struggling to add all the pieces together, funny stuff, adventures, and trying to find the joy and zest in a world which is so often broken. I don’t have much of a clear clue about anything. But I’m hoping that my foggy meanderings might help someone out.
|I am, by some miracle, still a follower of Jesus. I’ve been foggy-headed following him for 20 years. This properly started when I had an epiphany moment that God was really there and actually liked me. I became a wannabe world-changing evangelical Christian for quite some time. But mostly in my head, because also I hate evangelism and assume everyone else feels as uncomfortable as I do when someone is in their face telling them to believe something exclusively true. In this battle, evangelicalness lost most of the time.|
I doubt seemingly more often than I trust. I always see the jarring bit that’s hard to believe rather than the beautiful truths that are easy. I’ve never got on with church. I often find myself trying to convince other Christians that I am really a believer and don’t need to be a project. This blog isn’t about that.
I’m pretty funny sometimes. Not in a quick-witted joke-a-minute way. In the mild buffoonery, fell in the sea due to trying to wind-skateboard using a Dracula cape whilst suffering from flu type way. These are usually called Sunny adventures. I’m going to write about them.
I also get sad way too often. This suprises some people, others not at all. For someone who finds so much joy in trying to make other people cheerful, it is kind of a bummer. I’m definitely a glass half empty type.
I’m good at friendship, and I really care about my friends. I love too many people though and battle with perpetual guilt for not keeping up with far-away friends enough. I suck at relationships, for a myriad reasons – a heady cocktail of low self-worth, being some uninvestigated flavour of not-straight, wanting to find a Christian, and having been a particularly unattractive teenager. Despite this, I’ve managed to have my heart shattered, which seems like a raw deal which needs some evening out with some positives.
I can always see multiple sides of any argument, theology or course of action and hence find it really difficult to make my mind up. You’ll see that in the blog. I’m bound to write some stuff which is just plain wrong – I’m as broken as the next person and get it wrong. But I’ll try to write with grace and truth and much hard-won honesty.